Movie Reviews - C
C.H.U.D.: I just discovered that they made a "CHUD II", I gotta find that! Apparently it's really really bad. CHUD 1 was pretty stupid too, but there was something appealing about this movie... I just can't remember what it was. Hey, Kim Griest was in it... she was in Brazil, one of my favorite movies.
Cabin Boy: Chris Elliot did one of the funniest TV shows ever - "Get a Life". It was about a 30-something guy who still lived with his parents and delivered the newspaper. It was a great study of a pathetic loser. Cabin Boy was kind of dumb, but I guess Chris Elliot deserved to star in at least one movie.
The Cable Guy: I almost liked this movie. That's quite an endorsement considering that Jim Carrey bugs the hell out of me. I guess he was made for this movie though - they needed a really annoying person to portray the cable guy.
Caddyshack: The definitive golf-humor movie. In the dictionary, under "funny", there should be a reference to Caddyshack.
Caddyshack II: Man this was so bad, it made me angry. Why the hell did I waste 2 hours of my life watching it?
Calendar Girls: So, can reality be cliche?
The Cannonball Run: Craziness. There's enough stuff going on in this movie that you're bound to be entertained by something... even if it's only for 5 seconds. As for the other ~2 hours??? spend it doing something else.
Can't Buy Me Love: Teen "make a nerd cool" movie that's done well. Although the title should be called "CAN buy me love", because that's essentially what happens.
Cape Fear: I had a hard time sympathizing with any of the characters in this movie, but it was entertaining. The only thing that bugged me were the couple "YOU IDIOT!!!" moments, like when the lawyer slips on the blood of his friend. Come on! Also, where exactly was the housboat "adrift" at the end? in the ocean? on a raging river? I couldn't tell, but it just didn't look natural.
Casino: In case you're in the mood to see Joe Pesci do what he does best, there's "Casino". WARNING - there are scenes with foul language and violence.
Casper: Dumb, but fun... I dunno, I was too old when this came out to enjoy it. Perhaps I should solicit a guest review? anyone?
Cast Away: Any movie that can get people to cry over a volleyball can't be too bad.
The Castle: The Castle proves the aphorism that "ignorance is bliss". What a fun movie! Anyone who is unsatisfied with their life should go see this movie in order to realize that it's all just a state of mind - if you think things are good, they are - you just have to find the right perspective. The plot of the movie is about a regular well-meaning guy fighting big business... but the best part is the character development - you'll never forget the Kerrigans... "Dad!, I dug another hole!"... "Good on ya, son!"
Caveman: A serious anthropological study of a small band of primitive humans. Probably Ringo Starr's finest work since the Beatles... He probably could've used a little help from his friends though.
The Cell: This movie was eye candy, and little else. The visuals were worth the price, and worth seeing... as for the rest of it? Ummmm...
Chain Reaction: Oh ya... I almost forgot about this movie. Hmmm. It was pretty good I guess. I wonder why it's never on cable? It seems made for endless cable re-runs. Maybe it'll happen someday.
Chariots of Fire: I should probably see this again, because I saw it when I was like 10 years old and it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I just remember that tune... duum chickachaka, do do do do doom doom...
Charlie's Angels: Well, I didn't really see all of this movie... but I did see enough to know that it's really really awful! There are a bunch of occassions where the girls seem to be thinking "what the hell am I doing?" just before delivering their absurdly dumb lines. Also, I find it really odd & ironic that these "great detectives" can't even figure out who their boss is... is that supposed to be part of the joke?
Cheaper by the Dozen: A bunch of spoiled brats shatter the dreams of their push-over father. This is billed as some kind of feel-good movie, but is just totally shameful and stupid. A big family like this would pull-together to help out their Dad!, not sabotage his every move.&;If you actually watched this, I feel sorry for you. If you actually liked this, I have no respect for you.
Children of Men: Unique premise - the world's population is dieing-off... It can make you kind of hate people, as you realize that the unfolding of events probably isn't too far off. It was a little overly-violent though. While I realize they wanted to show the rough edges, they could have gone though the fighting quicker, and spent more time on the people.
Chocolat: One of those movies that I rented simply because of the hype - wasn't expecting much. It was wonderful movie - everything I secretly hoped it would be. In a way, it was like a modern-day fairy tale. One of those movies that puts you in a good mood without resorting to the usual predictable "hollywood tactics". btw: I had thought this was a French movie, but it is in English... just set in France. I did have one question though, did they really have cellophane wrapping in 1950's rural France? I would think the shop would be more likely to use paper wrappings...
The Chinese Connection: The Bruce Lee movie that everyone forgets about. It was possibly his best. The story was actually well put together, and the movie had a real message about class struggles. It takes more than one man to change things, but all change starts with one man. Great ending too!
Children of the Corn: Brainless horror movie. It's about killer farmkids... need I say more? They even made a sequel, boy people are dumb.
A Christmas Story: Classic Christmas story... What can I say?
The Cider House Rules: Probably not a big hit with the anti-abortion folks. A young man finds his true mission in life. If I had one complaint, it's that all the kids in the orphanage are soooo darling, when in truth, they're all just a bunch of bastards.
Citizen Kane: Sure it was good, but the best movie ever? I think not. What a silly thing to say anyway, that's so impossible to say about ANY movie. I guess I liked it, but I find myself shrugging my shoulders when I think about it... nothing too special.
Clair Dolan: Have insomnia? This one just might cure you. It's about a woman who becomes a high-priced whore in order to pay for her mother's medical care. Then it raises the question - is she now nothing but a whore? or can she rise out of it? Well, there's so little dialogue that it's sometimes painfully slow. Maybe my attention span just isn't long enough... sad that I've come to that.
Clearcut: Documentary about a clash of cultures. The small town old-timers don't like it when the big city outsider moves in and asserts himself. So, they play the money card, and the kids are caught in the crossfire. I saw this in a small screening with the director, so we could ask him questions and such - that was pretty cool. It was really well done, and thoroughly explores the issue without really finding any good answers... kind of like real life - things are just kind of left in a continuous state of being unresolved. Anyway, the movie is a good metaphor even if you're a world away from rural Oregon.
Clerks: I liked this better than Citizen Kane. The characters were better, the acting was better (not so damn stiff), and directing was... well, a lot like you'd see from those security cams in the 7-11... which is what the director was going for I think.
Clash of the Titans: Wickedly cool. I'm waiting for another of these movies to come out with modern special effects. Heck, the plot was even pretty good, of course I guess it was based on a
Cliffhanger: Relentless silliness in the mountains of Italy... er... Colorado??? Right. The movie starts with a completely ridiculous opening sequence - people doing something that people just don't do, and an accident that just wouldn't happen... The rest of the movie is a bunch of the same stuff.
A Clockwork Orange: A well constructed movie from start to finish... although I find it harder to "accept" given the way that "history" is progressing. This movie had tons of classic moments, and grotesque moments which I couldn't turn away from. I suppose some bits of the movie do age well... What makes us good or evil? What makes us who we are? If we lose our evil side, do we lose ourselves? Weighty topics addressed on screen.
Clockstoppers: I had to see this movie. It was a plot-line I'd often fantisized about when I was young. I thought, wouldn't that be great to have all the time in the world? I'd stop the clock for hundreds... maybe thousands of years and do all kinds of crazy stuff that would change the world as we know it. I knew this movie would be dumb, but I was sorry to see how dumb it was. At least now I know. Instead of doing something really creative or interesting with their new-found "power", the main characters just use it for pointless pranks. The strange thing is how they don't even see the time-stopping watch as a "big deal", they treat it like a new video game or something, and pretty much continue with their lives as they were. Come on! an invention of that magnitude would blow-away anybody! A bunch of people complained about the physics of the movie (that it violates all kinds of laws). That didn't really bother me, the premise necessitated some bending of the rules. It did bother me that the movie violated its own set of rules - near the end this happens a lot, plus there are a lot of scenes where I was squirming, "why don't they just...". Plus, the whole liquid-nitrogen thing was just stupid. Bottom line? Don't bother seeing this movie.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Just a darn neat film. One of the best "alien visitation" movies I've seen. I've never met anyone who hated this movie... what can I say?
Clue - The Movie: Pretty neat. I don't remember which ending I saw, but I guess they were all about the same. So many plot twists and turns that you'd go crazy. I'll have to say that I really liked the clue videotape game - you had to watch these scenes that had all kinds of stuff going, then figure out who did it based on stuff that happened in the scene. I'm not really describing it right, but it was a cool game anyway.
Clueless: Like, I totally hope that some nutjob valley girl saw this movie and suddenly realized that she was indeed NOT cool. There's another planet out there, and it's right here on earth. The scene where they get on the freeway says it all.
Coal Miner's Daughter: Your typical country girl gets famous thing. It was done pretty well.
Cocktail: A bunch of cocks chase tail. Unfortunately Jaws doesn't eat them while they're on the beach.
Colors: A perfect example of why we should end the drug war.
Coming to America: If Eddie Murphy did indeed steal this movie idea... WHY!!!!???? This was just a dumb movie.
Commando: Attention Arnold Schwarzenegger, you are NOT an actor, so quit trying to be one. Just stay home, smoke cigars, flex your muscles and make babies with that Amazon wife of yours... we'll all be a lot better off!
The Commitments: Seriously? An irish blues ensamble? A bunch of people who know nothing about the blues - or even music (i.e. the drummer), but somehow manage to be an amazing band? There were a lot of eye-rolling bits here, but it was all watchable. You can't hate a movie with heart.
Conan the Barbarian: Still Arnold Schwarzenegger's best movie. He wasn't afraid to show off his muscles, and they were critical to the portrayal of the character. Conan was a simple person, Arnie did a great job.
Conan the Destroyer: Pathetic attempt at a sequel to the classic original. God, this movie really sucked bad!
Congo: Really stupid. Just a bunch of special effects and nonsensical blather... oh, and killer apes.
The Constant Gardner: One of those rare movies that starts out dull, but gets better and better along the way. By the end, you're thinking - gosh, that was a great movie. Seems there has been a rash of bloody African movies lately - what's that about?
Control Room: There just wasn't any real drama. In some sick sort of way, it seemed like the Al Jazeera people wanted the situation in Iraq to devolve into chaos. And that made me really lose a lot of potential respect for them. I mean, I don't agree with what's happened in Iraq, but we have to remain hopeful that things will turn out OK. And when we criticize, it should not be out of spite, but rather to get at the truth.
The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover: An absolutely fantastic piece of work by a genius of a director. Probably the most accessible Peter Greenaway movie that I've seen, and it's far from ordinary.
Contact: A very intelligent film that thoroughly examines the "what if we're contacted by an extraterrestrial intelligence?" question. It also tackles a lot of philosophical questions that are rarely addressed in movies. Why can't Hollywood make more movies like this?
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes: Comments coming!
The Couch Trip: Surprisingly good. I wasn't expecting anything, but it was neat. I was a little disappointed with the ending though, He never really showed any signs of depression until the end... so where did that come from? I guess he was mentally ill, but still.
Courage Under Fire: A decent movie, but Meg Ryan as a tough chick? She did a fine enough acting job, but I couldn't help think... she's so darn cute. I suppose she was trying to shed her image, but that's impossible... just look at her. She doesn't have to even open her mouth to make men behave like little kids. I thought the alcoholic subplot was totally unnecessary. Otherwise, it was a decent movie.
Crash: This was the kind of movie that I thought I should like, but I just found it lame and revolting. The idea? People are so obsessed with famous car crashes that they re-enact them... literally, they often get injured and/or die in the act. I just didn't like something about the pace and the way the characters were written.
Creepshow: Great. Others have tried to duplicate the formula, but none have done it. Favorite line? "Bugs got you down Mr. Pratt?"
Critters: Who the hell makes these movies? and why the hell did I spend 86 minutes of my life watching this one? Why am I spending even more time writing three sentences about it?
The Crime of Padre Amaro: What exactly is the point of huge organized religons? Do people really think they'll be sent to hell without them? Learn about the book of Thomas you silly catholics & christians alike... The content of the Bible is just a matter of editing by people who had an agenda.
Crocodile Dundee: OK, you're from down under... you're tougher and cooler than any of the rest of us. I get it. This movie did have a few endearing moments though... it wasn't all bad. The parts where Paul Hogan looks "uncomfortable" were the best.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Yes! Everything about this movie was done with style and care. It was a joy to experience. It was the kind of film that makes you forget about your boring life. Essentially, it's a martial arts film with an emphasis on the arts. I've heard a couple people criticize the flying in the film... if this bothered you, you are a moron. Yup, there is no hope. You have no imagination and probably drink bad beer.
The Crow: This movie is stylish, and it is special as it was Brandon Lee's last movie, but it isn't great or anything. It just didn't do much for me. In case you're curious about how Brandon Lee was killed, it wasn't any strange curse or anything, just a stupid mistake. They needed to film a scene where the camera looked down the barrel of a gun so that the bullet could be seen in the chamber. To do this, they removed the powder from the bullet as a safety precaution. But, they didn't remove the primer from the cartridge. At some point after the scene was shot, somebody pulled the trigger of the gun. The explosion of the primer was just enough to push the bullet into the barrel of the gun. Some time later, the same gun was used in a scene where they shot blanks at Brandon Lee. The bullet was still in the barrel. The blank was no longer blank and Brandon was the unintentional victim. A sad story indeed.
Crumb: Wow! this was so warped it was hard to believe it was real. I really really really want to see what Crumb's sisters have to say though. That's one messed up family. I'm so glad there are people like Crumb out there, completing the full spectrum of humanity.
Cry-Baby: John Waters meets Grease.
Cry of the Snow Lion: A documentary about Tibet. Everyone should see this movie. We in the US have sacrificed our "moral principles" for the lure of money - in the guise of a billion Chinese consumers. This is a very troubling thing. How can we ever expect any justice in the world when we encourage unjust regimes (like the Chinese)? I can only hope that the Chinese economy will collapse sometime soon, and the political reality there will fundamentally change. That seems the only practical hope for the Tibetans, who are extremely lucky to have the wisdom of the Dalai Lama to carry them through this difficult time.
The Crying Game: Far too lengthy just for the surprise ending. Generally depressing, which isn't necessarily bad... if you're in that kind of mood.